Confessions

I have been debating with myself on weather or not to write about this. I finally decided to give a go at explaining what is on my mind. I named this post confessions because i am going to confess some things I'm not very proud of. Nothing horrible, just things i struggle with. This may be hard to understand what I'm trying to say, please bare with me. :)

I don't know if anybody is aware,but i have a terrible habit of comparing everything about myself to other people. I can't make it through a day without comparing something about myself. For example...I will see a girl on a commercial on TV and think, "man, why can't i look like that?" Or i will hear of somebody doing something like... playing the piano really well, and i immediately think "man, i wish i could do that, but i can't cause I'm not talented enough." This is a constant thing with me. I do it without really realizing that's what I'm doing. I do it like i breathe. It comes naturally to me. God has shown me that this is such a sad way to live my life. When I'm in this constant state of comparing then i lose my contentment with who God made me to be. I get in the oh pitiful me mode, and then I'm just in a bad mood and then i snap at the people i love the most. I've come to realize that it even runs deeper than that... when i compare myself it makes me feel bad, because I'm putting myself down, so to make myself feel a little better i think of something that i do like about myself and then put the person I'm comparing myself to down...like this..."well, my _______ is better than hers"... so now I'm being judgemental. So, not only have i lost my contentment by comparing...( or a better way to put it would be: being envious), I'm now being judgemental. Another thing is I'm really being prideful, because, to be honest i want to be better than i am....so i can feel good about myself...and be PROUD of myself. So, you see how this habit is so destructive to me, because it doesn't stop at one thing, it leads to another and another and well, you get the picture. In a nutshell it hinders me from serving God with the gifts He did give me. i lose sight of what is important in life, and that is serving God with a JOYFUL heart. it doesn't even matter what i look like or how good i am at doing things. God doesn't care about those superficial things, He cares about what our heart looks like! He wants us to realize that we are weak on our own. With that state of mind He can show Himself strong on our behalf! That brings Him glory. Bringing God glory is one of the best things i can do!! And the truth is that doesn't take a good looking and talented person! Praise GOD! So, now my struggle is stopping this habit. The only way i can think of how to do this is to find my joy in the LORD and not to even let my mind go to the place of compare mode. This is not easy. I have looked for a verse that speaks directly to this and compare isn't in the Bible that i have found. But there are these verses: Proverbs 31:30 "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." and Philippians 4:4 "Rejoice in the Lord always; again i will say, rejoice" and Philippians 4:8 " Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things"
So, i know what i need to do, and i have some ammo for the battle ahead. Now, if you would pray for me. We can start this thing. I want so badly to get better about this. :)

~Hannah